so many things in my mind right now... (seems like things are alwaes on my mind huh.)
just cldnt get some sleep so decide to blog. played dota but the game wasnt so fun anyway..
heart's just so heavy. examinations approaching alrdy. starting on my maths but not making much progress. sometyms i just wished i did listen in class and did my homework. but its easier said then done. giv me a chance to go back in tym i'll still be the same. school's just too boring. with everyone against u. when u seem the same way towards them.. i shant descibe wat happened or who. but things for me are just tough i guess.. sometimes i wonder if really standing up for myself is something wrong. standing up for my friends is an offense? haha. ya.. fighting is bad in the eyes of the law huh? i know. so poor lewis has to face the music la? haha.! aiya nvm bah. things are more then often against me. studies, school, people... stereotyping. who really knows who i am? only duck quacking and chicken backsides blabbering about me.. am i that bad a person? that people sldnt know? hais. maybe im just a thug a hooligan bah.. 'those who uses the fist shall be overcome by the fist.' someone big told me that.. i guess the society just isnt for me. haha. sounds selfish huh.. so i have to fit in? at wad cost? losing one's personality and character to fit in? i guess thats wad every1 is lor.. so fake. pretending to be friends infront but backstab at the back. one minute ur praised another ur comdemned. i admit i do say people's flaws behind people. but i do tell they themselves too.. does it count as backstabbing? here i am pointing at people but in the end pointing back at myself.. im tired. really tired..
what if i dont make it? retain again? or quit school?
answer is.. i dont know. retaining sounds like a waste of tym man. been wasting 2yrs in sec3 and was telling myself that i wld learn my lesson and study hard. but its alrdy the eoys and wad work have i done? haha. no heart gets no results.. if another year can knock some sense into me why not? but wat if it doesnt? quitting school sounds good now.. but then my future will not be a very clear and bright one.. when i was younger.. i thought i cld be a doctor, a lawyer.. or get som job of profession earning big bucks driving posh cars... but now that 'dream' seems so far and its not wad i want. so wad if i earn money? wld i ba happy? working long hours but no time for myself.? i dont know man. maybe when i get a family then i will know wat the meaning of 'need' and 'want'. i may not get wad i 'want' but its wad i 'need' that is important... thought about my dad. is he happy with his job..? hm... maybe..? maybe not.. who knows? but one things for sure. he has to work to keep the household running... HEY! we're drifting away frm the topic.!ya... eoys.! i guess what i can do now is try my best for the next 2 weeks studying bah. lets leave the rest for the future..
Labels: 13o9o8 :(